i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
