look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
