I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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