I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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