I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
