party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Every concussion has its silver lining
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Randomize
