The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
