a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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