I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
