Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She bit a glass in half.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
