This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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