he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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