it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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