Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
