Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
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Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
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So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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