I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
