i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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