I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
