What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
