Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
