My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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