considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
