oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
