I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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