I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Damn victory sex feels great
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
