I cannot find my penis.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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