worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
