Cold hands, warm shart.
Where is the hickey?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
