I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
