erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
