i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
