your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
