We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Randomize
