your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
