I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
