Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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