We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
why is half of my head shaved?
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