I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
