No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
