I can tuck mytits in my pants
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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