I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
