Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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