We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
