chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You made out with two different species that night
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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