sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
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just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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