3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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