you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I stole a fireplace last night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
