I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
