peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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