I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
