i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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