dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
