tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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