I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
