ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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