Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
