Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
