the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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