I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
