I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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