I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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