You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
