If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
