the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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